As the election nears and the number of Republican scandals seems to increase every day, the following list is provided for your review and consideration.
5 Stages of a Republican Scandal
- I have not been informed of any investigation or that I am a target.
- I am cooperating fully, but this whole thing is a political ploy by the Democrats (aka the "October Surprise" defense).
- I'm SHOCKED by the mistakes made by my subordinates.
- I'm deeply sorry for letting down my friends and family. I now recognize that I am an alcoholic. I will be entering rehab immediately, so I have no time for questions.
- Can I serve my time at Eglin Federal Penitentiary (aka Club Fed)?