5 Stages of a Republican Scandal

As the election nears and the number of Republican scandals seems to increase every day, the following list is provided for your review and consideration.

5 Stages of a Republican Scandal
  1. I have not been informed of any investigation or that I am a target.

  2. I am cooperating fully, but this whole thing is a political ploy by the Democrats (aka the "October Surprise" defense).

  3. I'm SHOCKED by the mistakes made by my subordinates.

  4. I'm deeply sorry for letting down my friends and family. I now recognize that I am an alcoholic. I will be entering rehab immediately, so I have no time for questions.

  5. Can I serve my time at Eglin Federal Penitentiary (aka Club Fed)?